All The Best People Are
by Libitina-Belladonna
Summary: "Are you insane?"   "Yes," said she "but I'll tell you something, all the best people are."  When a strange woman saves Uther no one is certain of anthing about her, except for the fact she takes pleasure in tormenting Prince Arthur.
1. Chapter 1

Author's note Kindly refrain from flaming, if you dislike this story, than simply quit reading it. Also this is my first story so I am not certain about it, or if I will continue it, please bear with me. Thank You Disclaimer- If you think I own Merlin than you may want tho get checked for delusions.

Uther Pendragon, choked back to conciseness in a blurry haze with the taste of alcohol on his lips and the stench of blood in the air. As his vision cleared he beheld a woman's face, black hair framed a face with a sort of dark exotic look about her, with black painted eyelids, pale skin, black rimmed eyes and red painted lips, lips that looked permanently pressed in a grim line. Her nose was not turned up enough to be cute nor was straight enough to be regal-looking. She was not beautiful, no,for he had seen beautiful women at court, nor was she pretty, for Ygraine had been pretty, this woman was not. Uther's eyes traveled upwards and caught a glimpse of a golden crown upon her head. Confusion and anger welled up inside him, for that was his crown, only he and he alone had the right to wear it.

The woman tipped her head to the side in a bird-like motion and said in a voice devoid of any emotion, "do you like it?" She examined his expression while her hands moved to cork a flask of mead she had poured on his lips. "Do not be cross ", said she" I only like the jewelry, not what it implys."

He did not answer for his eyes were locked on her hand, more specifiably a left hand that was lacking a thumb, with only a scar as a reminder that a thumb had once existed there.

"It is rude to stare."

He looked up at her. "Where am I?"

"A forest, though I know not it's name, there is a city at the edge." She was silent for a moment then continued speaking "Who are you?"

"Uther Pendragon, king of Camelot."

She took the crown off her head, "than I suppose I should give this back to you." She handed him the crown.

"How did I come to be here" he demanded.

"Kidnapped I suppose"

Uther looked now at the carnage around him. "Why did you rescue me?"

"I was bored and it looked to be interesting."

Startled he looked up at her," are you insane?"

"Yes", she replied," but I'll tell you something, I think that all the best people are." She paused, "We should leave , I assume that at the edge of the forest is Camelot?"

Uther nodded.

She stood and offered him a hand , "Than shall we go to Camelot?" said she.

Uther looked up and grasped her hand.

They had been traveling for sometime when Uther broke the silence. "What happened to your hand."

She shrugged, the gesture looking odd being made by such an expressionless person. "I cut off my thumb."

Appalled Uther stared at her, "Why?" he demanded

"I do not think I will tell you."

"Do you have no respect for me? I am king!" Uther's temper flared.

"Yes, but not my king, and respect should be earned, not given."

Uther brooded for a time than looked up to silently contemplate the woman beside him. She wore all black and an ornate sword hung at her side, the sun had set long ago so he could not make out the details of her face nor clothing. "Where do you come from?" he asked hoping that this question would be answered, after all, she had saved him, no matter her reasons. The least that he could do was to be pleasant, he reasoned.

"Originally, I was from Cyriaa." She pronounced the name like ki-ri-a." It's a small kingdom by the sea, I spent some time at court there, and since I have been traveling."

"What position did you hold at court?"

"I was a philosopher, alchemist, and artist, on occasion"

Uther looked at her sharply" Is not alchemy sorcery?"

She tilted her head and peered at Uther "You dislike sorcerers?"

"Magic is evil and outlawed in Camelot."

"Interesting, "she said, more to herself than him," but to answer your original question, no, alchemy is more science than sorcery and more theory than anything else, I do believe. "She glanced at her surroundings than spoke again.

"Why do you believe that magic is evil? "she asked.

"It is "said he.

"That is not an answer, but you do not have to tell me, at least not now."

She looked ahead, the trees were thinning and they were almost upon Camelot.

As they walked through the lower town people openly gaped. Whispers could be heard among the crowd.

As they approached the castle a young man with blond hair and outfitted in chain mail rushed towards them.

"Father, father, where were you? We scoured Camelot, we were beginning to think you dead!"

"Rather dramatic isn t he? "the woman said glancing up at Uther from examining her long pointed nails.

The blonde man turned toward her sharply, "Do you know who I am? I could have your head!"

She looked up at him emotionlessly "As to who you are I really don't care, though I would assume that you are the prince of Camelot. Now as for my head, take it if you will, I do not care."

It was then Uther intervened "Arthur, control yourself, this woman saved my life."


	2. Chapter 2

Uther was lying in bed when the door creaked open, footsteps drew nearer to the bed. He swiftly sat up. He could sense the presence, of an intruder at this late hour, but he could see no one. A hand caressed his face, an a light chuckle sounded in the dark room. Lips attacked his own, Uther was to stunned to respond, as the lips trailed across his cheek, towards his ear, they stopped and than whispered " I have a king" The words almost mocking.

He awoke in his chambers, sunlight streamed in through the open window. Magic! This was sorcery! But what was he to tell the guards to look for? A phantom seductress? A witch who haunts mens dreams? For what purpose, what could be attained by dreams alone.

A king Uther may be, but he was still a man. A man who had not lain with a woman since his late wife's passing. So then it was normal, he reasoned, to have such suggestive dreams. And the lack of a face must be because he had no woman to haunt his dreams, for no woman had caught his fancy, so then, he thought, his mind only recognized his needs, and therefor created a faceless, nameless woman to dream of.

Speaking of nameless, the woman who had saved him had been in the castle for two days and she had yet to give her name. In fact, the servants had taken to calling her the Dark Lady for her dark clothing and hair. Uther did not no what to make of his strange guest, she fought like a man, dressed like a whore and was absolutely mad. She was as unpredictable as the weather, sometimes he thought she lusted after him, and other times he was certain she would like nothing better than to see him dead. He shook his head, he had more important things to do than to waste his time thinking of mad guests and faceless women.

Meanwhile, in the physician's chambers ~

The Dark Lady leaned back in her chair balancing on two legs, and propping her feet up onto the table. She examined the empty room before her until her gaze settled on the door. A few minuets later a gangly servant entered unceremoniously with a loud call of " Guias!" "Hes out " came the smooth reply. "Oh sorry, didn't see you there. Wait what are you doing here? Your that woman, who saved Uther, right?"

She chuckled, "Yes, to the latter, and as to the former, I came to see you, Emrys."


	3. Chapter 3

I know I forgot to put in the disclaimer last chapter, but I do think that it is quite obvious that I do not own Merlin.

This update is for my favorite ( and only, so I suppose that makes her my least favorite, though still very lovely, reviewer as well) reviewer, Teepartygirl.

Oh, and by the way sorry for not mentioning you last chapter, but I forgot to check for reviews before I posted.

Now I will stop rambling and write the story.( To be truthful I think that the characters write themselves)

"What, h hh how, how did you, w who are?" Merlin stammered.

" How and who are very important questions, along with what, why and where. But I must say that I thought you would be a bit more, more. Ahh, but for your questions I know who you are like all competent magic users do." she paused here for a second, than said almost triumphantly " There, now we will not turn each other in for fear of the other doing the same."

Merlin, now recovered from his shock, seated himself at the table across from the Dark Lady. " If your a magic user, why did you save Uther?"

She shrugged and replied " I have no personal quarrel with the man, annnnd I did not really know who he was until after I saved him. Ahh, but any how, It worked out quite well, I get free food and all the mead I can drink, which is actually quite a lot."

Merlin shook his head at her eccentricity.

Later ~

" Merlin!" Arthur called, looking up from his desk.

"What" Merlin replied, pausing in his cleaning of Arthur's chambers.

" Do you know where that Dark woman, or whatever her name is, is?

" Uhh, the Dark Lady, yea, she's in her chambers."

" Good" Arthur growled and swept past Merlin and out the door, a paper clutched in his fist.

The Dark Lady was languidly stretched out on her bed reading a rather large, rather dusty book, when Prince Arthur stormed into her chambers and held out a piece of paper and growled out " Do you know what this is?"

" Why it is a piece of paper, tell me if you do not no something so simple how do you expect to make it as king"

Arthur was by now as the saying goes, seeing red.

"It is a tab from the tavern. A very costly one, that you said to send to the king. How can anyone drink that much anyway?"

" Lots of practice" came the reply.

"Come with me, my father will sort this out!"

" If I must"

While Arthur presented Uther with the Dark Lady's tavern debts, Uther's gaze roamed over the Dark Lady's form. She was wearing a black dress that seemed to hide very little from his gaze. The neckline barley covered the nipples on her breasts, and the bodice clung to her curves. The sword sheathed at her waist suddenly seemed arousing to him. Uther suddenly felt that if she did not leave his presence he might have a rather embarrassing problem to contend with.

Rather abruptly he spoke " Arthur, see that the tavern is paid, you may go"

"But father"

"You may go " Uther commanded.

Arthur left swiftly, muttering obscenity to himself.

" You know, If all I had to do was show you my breasts to get a free drink, I would have done so long ago." the Dark Lady said, tilting her head sideways and gazing at him emotionlessly. She than turned and took her leave.

Uther was stunned, he knew he should be furious at her for her lack of respect, and in some ways he was, he mussed. But for a woman to speak so balantly about such things was almost unheard of. Most women were meek or terrified of being thought of as wanton, but the Dark Lady it seems lacks the ability to care, Uther concluded.


	4. Chapter 4

Footsteps echoed forlornly on the rough stone stairs, dark shadows, almost sinister looking played upon the walls as a lone figure carrying a torch descended. The figure stopped at the foot of the stares, looking out at rows upon rows of marble structures housing the decaying corpses of many a dead noble. The figure smiled and swaying slightly continued on with its task humming merrily.

Uther was in his study, completing the rather tedious task of writing documents that had to do with a rather banal land dispute. The only other occupant of the room was the Dark Lady, who was watching him intently. The only sound that could be heard was the scratching of a quill, when the Dark Lady broke the rather heavy silence, " I like to play, and it has been so very long since last I did. Has it been long for you?"

" Yes" Uther said slightly hesitantly, sensing the implied meaning of the words.

Walking over, and sitting on Uther's desk the Dark Lady tilted her head and inquired " Would you like to play?"

"Yes" Uther again stated.

She leaned in by his ear and whispered "You know sometimes I hate you with a passion, but it only seems to make me desire you more.

Their lips than crashed together. They fought for dominance, rolling on the floor. They tore clothes, neither letting the other win their struggle for dominance. The Dark Lady dug her sharp nails into Uthers back and bit into his shoulder drawing blood and sucking as Uther pounded in to her roughly.

After the deed was done, they swiftly redressed , the Dark Lady left as Uther sat down to his parchment filled desk.

Disclaimer~ I do not own, savvy?


	5. Chapter 5

Arthur Pendragon was in a foul mood. Servants scattered in his wake as he stormed out of the castle. He had thrown a pair of boots at his ridiculously cheery manservant earlier. Arthur's mood worsened at the fact he had missed.

He was in the middle of sparring with a knight when the current bane of his existence walked up cheerily whistling. Smiling she walked up to the two sparring men and said to the Prince in a singsong voice "Your form is off" she smiled wider and asked " Is something wrong?"

Arthur threw off his helmet and stopped sparring. Watching the retreating back of the Dark Lady, he growled out " SHE DID IT, I KNOW SHE DID IT!"

One of the braver (or stupider) knights ventured to ask " What did she do?"

"She made me an INSOMNIAC! BACK TO PRACTICE!"

Wild laughter rang out from the Dark Lady.

Merlin pushed past imposingly burly men in the tavern to get to the seat of the Dark Lady.

"What did you do to Arthur"

" Whatever do you mean?"

"He's been horrible all week"

"Isn't he always"

"Well more horrible than usual then" Merlin chuckled.

" Put a little well ya know on him so he hears bells all hours of the day and knight, old trick I learned at court."

"Your going to have to take it off"

"I know, that all"

"Know that you mention it …"

"Oh?"

" Did you set his cloak on fire?"

She let out a sigh, " Oh good I thought you were going to ask about my plans to kill Uther, take over Camelot and build more taverns."

Merlin turned on her wide eyed. "What!"

" More taverns, we could always use more taverns, more mead that way"

" No, about taking over Camelot."

" Oh, I am not going to do that everyone is! Not very original. Could use more mead though." She turned to the tavern keeper.

Merlin let his head fall against the counter.


	6. Chapter 6

Arthur, along with a few of his knights, and his useless manservant Merlin, were out on a hunting trip. Uther irritated by Arthur's constant bad mood, had sent him as far away from the castle as possible. Arthur in a desperate attempt to regain some semblance of sanity had agreed to the trip. His attempts would be going much better if he couldn't hear his knights sniggering behind him, and Merlin poorly concealing his chuckling.

Becoming fed up he turned around "WHAT IS SO BLASTED FUNNY!"

Merlin was full out laughing by now and the knights were chuckling.

"HA HA back of SNORT cloak HAHA" Merlin than broke down in another laughing fit

Arthur clenched his teeth and ignored the laughing idiots.

LLLLLLLLLL

Only when Arthur laid down to sleep, and took off his cloak, did he find the source of his hunting party's amusement.

There on the back of his new red cloak ( the other having burnt in a suspicious fire, while he was wearing it) was a white bulls-eye.

The screech of "I'LL KILL HER" was heard resounding in the forest late that night.

LLLLLLLLLL

Back at Camelot's castle, the Dark Lady was mulling over the news she had just overheard from some of the maidservants.

It appeared Camelot was to have a visitor in the form of a beautiful woman, rumored to have a long history of affairs with important men. The Dark Lady had a feeling that her nice situation, sharing Uther's bed and running up his tab at the tavern was in jeopardy.

But then again, he doesn't have much taste in women, the last one to seduce him was a troll, literally. The rumor around the castle was Uther had contracted a very nasty disease by the name of Gonorrhea, for a while after that incident. There was nothing to worry about, Uther had probably learned his lesson in dealing with the beautiful women. But then again it was Uther. She defiantly had something to worry about.


End file.
